I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
