i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
