Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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