you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
