i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
