I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
