There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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