Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
