I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
