Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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