No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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