You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
