Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
