It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
