I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
