Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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