the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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