There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
