i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
