You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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