So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
