mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
