it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
