Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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