I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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