is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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