Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
