I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
