Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You can't special order awesome
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
