Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
