you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
