I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
