I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
