Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
