I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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