I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize