if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
