Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
