ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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