Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
