It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
