Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This baby is an asshole
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
