I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
