Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
