Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
