brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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