I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Your penis caused this!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
