And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
