You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
