I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
