hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize