Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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