who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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