Someone shit on the floor
Too much gin, very little bucket
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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