Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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