And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I take back everything I said about communal showers
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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