Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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