You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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