If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
