Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dick very happy bro
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
