i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
