i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that đ I went with "no"
I donât have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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