Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
