she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
